One day, I guess it was the middle of December 2001, I was shopping at Wal-Mart. I had just broken up with my girlfriend and was single again. As I was shopping, I discovered one of the most annoying things in the world. Everywhere I looked, I saw couples and families shopping for Christmas. All I heard was Christmas songs playing over the intercom by Perry Como, Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. I swear to God, if I heard what a wonderful time of the year it was again, I was going to start shooting people. For such a happy season, it is pretty damn depressing. Then I saw something that kicked me in the gut. On a bench, sitting alone and ignored by people walking by him was an old man. And a thought crossed my mind: That could be me one day.

I went home and started to write. I wrote the screenplay Happy Holidays. I pretty much shelved it for a while. We were in the middle of trying to get The Devil's Playground finished, but everyone was in agreement that this was a pretty damn good little story about loneliness and something called holiday depression. This affliction is denounced by many people, and the fact that suicide rates rise during this time of the year is considered an urban legend. But I believe there is something to it.

I did not bother with it again, as I needed it to be Christmas to film it. For a screenwriting class, I turned in a synopsis of the screenplay and my professor seemed to like it all right. Then for my senior capstone seminar class, I decided to finally try to do it as my senior project. I went to Wal-Mart and got permission from Jack Scott, the store's manager and set up the guidelines for filming. It had to be late at night, we had to check in with a manager before we began shooting, and we could not get in the way of the stockers. It came as a shock to me that we got permission to do it, but there we were.

On a Monday night, we set out to make the movie. A lady named Annie had helped me secure the permission to shoot there, so I asked her to be in it as the door greeter. There is two girls I use whenever I need kids (Mandy and Amber) and I had to convince their parents that it would be a good idea to let them stay up late to do this. After much debate, they agreed. I had asked a girl (Amanda) that I knew through a friend if she would like to be in it. She said yes. Rob approached a couple of girls (Anna and Kara) at a local bar, Mr. Bills, and asked if they would like to be in it and they said yes. Also, a bartender at Mr. Bills (Jake) is also a film student and agreed to help. Lastly, I talked a friend of mine (Ryan) into playing a role. When we reached Mr. Bills, we had everyone we needed, except the old man and the girl's mother. We compromised. We used Annie in a dual role as the door greeter and the mother. Second, we eliminated the scene with the old man, a decision I still regret today. I want that scene in the story.

Backtrack a little here. Rob believed that I could not carry out this role. I wrote the screenplay while single, and fresh off a relationship (not a great relationship, but one none-the-less). Now, I was happier than I had ever been in my entire life. I had a woman I loved with all my heart, a woman that I was planning to one day marry. I was in Heaven. How could I play the role of a man on the brink of suicide? I explained that it was just acting. I proceeded to force myself to cry and he understood. Well, that was unnecessary. While we were preparing for the shoot, my life fell apart. I found myself single again, except this time I was lost and did not know what to do. I was devastated. Needless to say, I was now perfect for the role.

We filmed the Wal-Mart scenes and they all looked great. It's amazing what a zillion watts of lights can do for you. I can home, edited it together, placed only two songs over the footage (The Christmas Song by Karen Carpenter and I'll Be Home For Christmas by Perry Como). There was something wrong, but I was not sure what it was.

Four weeks later, we filmed the second part of the film. The part where I was to try to kill myself. This was the time I needed to really turn on my emotions. And it was a bitch. I can cry at will. I was a broken, beaten man. It should have been easy. But with Rob there and the camera on, it was hard. I ended up using music to aid my emotions (thanks to Bon Jovi and the girl who dumped me 7 years ago for supplying a song that triggered it.).

We filmed the scene using The Charlie Brown Christmas special playing in the background. That was an idea that I thought of the day before. I wanted something playing on the TV. Originally, the scene was to take place in the bedroom and be pretty quick. I decided to draw it out, use the cartoon to egg him on, and make you wonder if he would do it or not. I also borrowed heavily from another movie and paid homage to it in this scene. If you watched the two scenes and you would see what I mean.

I put the movie together and showed it at OU. Everyone glad handed me, which I have begun to take with a grain of salt. If no one ever criticizes anything, how can you believe all their compliments? I did get a critique from my professor and I realized what was wrong with the first scene. The music changing hurts the flow and tempo of the scene. It is a jump and breaks you from the hypnotic gaze you are supposed to be under. I eliminated the Perry Como song and played The Christmas Song all the way through. I eliminated the entrance scene (sorry Jake and Kara) because it did not move the story. I originally had a montage of Christmas lights over the opening credits, but that was removed and replaced with simple black screen and words. Finally, I tightened the second scene and raised the volume of the television show to help increase the tension.

I still feel it would be better with a music score over the second act with the television only popping up at intervals. And it would be better with the old man, damn it.

But it is finished for now. This is the movie until otherwise decided. It is also the first movie I let my mom see, so that is something, I guess.

But, Happy Holidays is a movie that means something to me. Holidays are a time of celebration and happiness but for those who have no one to celebrate them with, they are a time of loneliness and depression. Rejoice at the Holidays because you have loved ones to celebrate them with but don't forget about those who have nobody. And be thankful for your loved ones, you should always be grateful to have them.